?

Log in

Recent Entries Friends Archive Profile Tags To-Do List
 
 
 
 
 
 
Not everyone wants to hear about my crazy family, so I'll hide it beneath this cut and let you be the judge... 
My mother is one of the booziest alcoholics I have ever known - and that's saying something.  She stated drinking at 13 and for the last 30 odd years she has continued to drink more and more and more... However I'm all grown up now and dealing with my issues - it is no longer in my face 24/7 and for that I am thankful.  I've nearly finished a psychology major and this study has helped me understand some things about my mother and myself.  I understand for example that I must forgive her for letting me down countless times, embarrassing me, forcing me to grow up too fast, exposing me to sex, drugs and drink before I was matue enough to deal with it.  The list of hurt is unfinite, but I am able to distance myself from it by concentratng on my own family.

The concern is for my two young half sisters who live with the madness on a daily basis.  The youngest is only 3 and the family begged mum not to go ahead with the pregnancy, as she continued to drink heavily and daily...but of course now that she is here we wouldn't be without her.  She is a such a stong wee thing, usually putting herself to bed and just dealing with the awfullness in a resiliant childlike way.  The older sister is nearly a teenager and I can see the anguish in her.  It's like a horrible de ja vu.  She routinely picks our mother up off the ground from whereever she's passed out and drags her to bed.  The poor thing brought a friend home the other week and mum was naked (YES NAKED) and comatosed on the kitchen floor.  When you're nearly 13 this is devestating.  I fear the house will burn down and mum will be too pissed to wake up and I worry about those girls EVERYDAY.  I've seen her drop the youngest more than once and in the morning (while she's still sober) it's all denial and bullshit.

I don't hate my mother, just the disease.  If it wasn't for my sisters I probably would have disowned her long ago, but they are the link that is keeping me caring.  I know I have to be strong and be on standby, because if she keeps going the way she is I will looking at raising them before long.  Its ok, I accept it, you can't punish your body forever and not expect it to fight back eventually and with the existing liver damage and the consumption of up to 3 litres of wine a day I realise this can't go on forever.  Some people (like my partner) think I should 'do something' but when I ask what they think I should do it's stuff we've all tried 20 million times and to no avail.  Should I being doing something other than just waiting for the next disaster (believe me there are plenty so I won't be waiting long)??


 
 
 
 
 
 
You just have to have faith in the universe that everything will unfold as it should. I grew up in an alcoholic household so I understand how hard that can be.

If you cannot change the behavior, the only option for your serenity and sanity is to divorce yourself from the behavior. That's really hard when there are young children involved.

But then, maybe she isn't fit to raise children and that decision should be taken out of her hands, (for the kid's sake.)

I wish you and your family the best as you wrestle with this problem.
Thanks, yes I would love nothing more than to 'divorce myself from the situation' as you say, but I love my sisters and I wouldn't leave them to deal with that. The question of having the kids removed has been raised before...it's just such a touchy subject. Alcoholics can be so devious you know, she holds down a job (somehow?) and the girls don't go hungry or anything - she would put up such a fight!
Thanks again :-)
I guess all (we both) can do is pray and meditate that she'll reach that point where she becomes willing to consider a 12-Step program.

The honest truth for most alcoholics is there's a deep unhappiness that lies behind the drinking, and sooner or later the drugs and alcohol stop working.
You are so kind, I hope you don't mind I've added you.
Yes, she is deeply unhappy and numbing herself with alcohol is becoming more and more dangerous as she drinks larger quantities at a lightening pace.
If you don't mind me asking, have you divorced yourself from the alcoholic/s in your family? You may feel free to tell me I'm to nosey - just curious really.
How do you think the drinking in your upbringing has affected you as an adult? I say that because (from reading your journal) you seem like a well ajusted, educated and together person... so there is hope for us (and my wee sister's)!!
Thanks phillipalden :-)
My dad was an alcoholic who got sober when I was five. I think it did much more damage to rest of the family than it did to me. My brothers are both recovered alcoholics as well.

So I grew up around "program people" and Irish relatives that drank too much - an interesting mix.

And thanks for your kind words. I'm going to add you as well.
I have SO much respect for people who recover from this disease - wish my mum could do it too!
Maybe your mom will eventually.
I just saw you're from NZ. We visited there a couple of years ago and I fell madly in love with the place. My partner knows I'd have no objections to moving down there.
Yes, I'm a kiwi girl - born and breed!
It'ss an amazing place alright. The most beautiful scenery I've ever seen is in the south island, Milford and Fiordland, do you know it? If you ever come back and you haven't been already I HIGHLY recommend!
It's like Middle Earth :)
We spent the first week-and-a-half on South Island, including Milford Sound, (and it was raining.)

I fell in love with Devonport, which as you likely know is a 15-minute ferry ride from downtown Auckland. My partner works in high-tech and most of that business seems to be in Auckland.

I'd gladly live on South Island if we could make a living there, but the truth is I'd live almost anywhere in NZ.
Are there local authorities who can be contacted to intervene and remove the young children from the home? From what you have described, this situation would warrant it! That 13 year old should not have to be the one to walk in from school one day to find her mother passed out on the floor dead.
"That" 13 year old is my sister, ok?
The local authorities put such children into the system, and as I'm
not a registered foster parent I wouldn't get a look in. Plus, they live in a neutral family, a mortgage free home, and they are fed and clothed well.
Trust me, CYPS has more important things to worry about - not that I'd let my sisters be shipped off to live with strangers anyway.
(Deleted comment)
Thanks for your kind words, I've added you back :-)
My journal is a bit neglected at the moment - its a very busy and trying time in my life! I wish you all the best with your Mom and brother and I do of course understand how you feel. Somebody recently told me to stop giving energy to problems that I have no power to fix, I found that advice quite helpful.
Nice to meet you.
*hugs*