?

Log in

Recent Entries Friends Archive Profile Tags To-Do List
 
 
 
 
 
 
OK, so over the Mardi Gras holiday I came face to face with the realization that I'm an adult child of an alcoholic.  That alcoholic is my dad.  What happened to make me realize this (although I have known for a long time he was an alcoholic) is that after drinking all day, he was physically violent.  I'm a grown woman....and I was terrified to see the face of this beast that I hadn't seen in soooo many years.  My mom (who's a lot smaller than me) was what stood between the alcoholic and myself. 

I cried, for hours.  And then I had memories of a past life long ago....all those times he would come home swinging, throwing bricks through car windows and ripping out our phone lines.  And the emotional abuse that cuts like a knife. 

And having all of this hit me like a ton of bricks totally made me realize why I am the way that I am.  I'm early 30s, unmarried, single, with no healthy relationships in my past, overachiever, over anxious, with compulsive tendencies, with serious trust issues with men, but I myself am not an alcoholic.  And nor will I ever become one.  And I never realized how these pages of my past molded me in such a way.

So I'm trying to physically purge these feelings and emotions out, so I can face them and ultimately try to move on with my own life....the one that I so truly want and desire, yet seem tangled up in the past. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
I hope you can find someone to talk to face-to-face about this realization.

If your dad was emotionally and physically abusive on top of being an alcoholic, you (and you've apparently realized this) have, like a lot of us, been dealing with some pretty unhealthy coping mechanisms.

there is so much to learn about being "normal" when you grow up the child of an alcoholic.