I cried, for hours. And then I had memories of a past life long ago....all those times he would come home swinging, throwing bricks through car windows and ripping out our phone lines. And the emotional abuse that cuts like a knife.
And having all of this hit me like a ton of bricks totally made me realize why I am the way that I am. I'm early 30s, unmarried, single, with no healthy relationships in my past, overachiever, over anxious, with compulsive tendencies, with serious trust issues with men, but I myself am not an alcoholic. And nor will I ever become one. And I never realized how these pages of my past molded me in such a way.
So I'm trying to physically purge these feelings and emotions out, so I can face them and ultimately try to move on with my own life....the one that I so truly want and desire, yet seem tangled up in the past.
OK, so over the Mardi Gras holiday I came face to face with the realization that I'm an adult child of an alcoholic. That alcoholic is my dad. What happened to make me realize this (although I have known for a long time he was an alcoholic) is that after drinking all day, he was physically violent. I'm a grown woman....and I was terrified to see the face of this beast that I hadn't seen in soooo many years. My mom (who's a lot smaller than me) was what stood between the alcoholic and myself.